Trotter TaskmastersWhereas the Turramurra Trotters is the ultimate "virtual club", being an unincorporated loose assembly of individuals with a common interest, who meet regularly without combining into any formal structure with assigned or assumed roles, authority or responsibilities. Neverthless, from time to time, some participants have excelled or totally failed at some interesting tasks. WaitersPerhaps, the most famous drink waiter was Shirley Owles, who did us all a favour one year when she dressed up as Santa Claus and served us all alcoholic beverage. Of course, it was David Hepworth who started a great tradition by putting on the champers for Denis Fountain's 50th birthday .... this is really terrific as we can all look forward to many more Moet mornings. Graham Hugo holds the Drink Waiter's Record. Graham was drink waiter in 1994 for 9 months .... a sterling effort ... I make that something like 250 kilograms of orange juice and 200 kilos of water. Good one Graham. An extra role has now been imposed - doggie water. Some Trotters have refused to wait on other fellow's hounds and draw the line at picking up the canine land mines of dogs on the track without a number. By the way, inflation has passed the Trotters by ... there hasn't been a hike in the price of drinkie-poohs within living memory. It was 20 cents in the 1970s, is still 20 cents and will always be 20 cents. There is only so much dilution possible - it cannot get much thinner, but we have cost containment. The LecternThe Lectern provides a physical anchor for our formal procedures, as it is here that times are officially recorded. The lectern itself is a local icon and highly revered in all its glorious antiquity, being a good example of local rustic carpentry, illustration and craftwork. Dave Evans transported the Lectern with love and humility every Saturday for 4 years until he bought a car that was the wrong size, and he couldn't fit the damn thing in the boot - probably deliberately. More recently, the Lectern has become a bit shabby, in its lurid plastic black and gold ... some fellows uncharitably accused Mike Kaars of deliberately not bringing it for two consecutive weeks, because he was so embarrassed about having it in his car. Pretty poor show that isn't it, especially from a man with two consecutive "A"s in his name ... must be some introverted throwback to his childhood ... his mother must have dropped him on his head I suppose .. probably explains a lot. The current hod, whoops - I mean Lectern carrier is Ian Holmes, who has been carting the damn thing around for years. Mate ! Poor old Ian nearly had a nervous breakdown when he returned from one of his many excursions to England or Bendigo to find that the long standing black and yellow-painted phallus and podium had been redecorated into a nice puice, but the reading plinth and tools cavity was sporting a bright new Turramurra Trotters logo in the traditional and official Trotters Livery of  Spearmint (HEX Code #22DB12, Decimal RGB 034, 219, 018) and
 Terracotta (HEX Code #A11F12, Decimal RGB 161, 31,18).
Notice Board & LibraryDerek Smith put in a yeoman effort, carrying the notice board throughout the 1980s. Derek also used to bring along a box of posh magazines, some of them about running. From time to time, some mavericks got in the box so to speak, and this was discontinued as it was probably illegal. Mind you, this was nothing compared to trade journals that Alan Cole brought back from an International Trade Exhibition on Computing. Phew ! Clock WatchersThe longest serving timekeeper was probably Jamie Dries' dad ... who still pops in from time to time. No messing round here .... very straight. Trotters are often abused by JS who often takes on this role in the belief that Trotters cannot be trusted to either remember or instruct the recorder to actually write down the correct times. Runners MUST only record the time at which they actually cross the line. So this is why many Trotters prefer to keep their own times, as they don't trust the clock jock. Town CriersNormally a chore taken on by Alan Cole, Peter Welch or Ian Holmes. On occasions, when feeling particularly effervescent, Nick "Take a Swab" Heath has called the times, and this has been welcomed by the throng. Calling out the times is not a job that just anyone can do ... but Nick carries it off with a certain grandeur and detached, objective aplomb. Nick holds the record for the longest time taken ( 7 mins and 43 secs recorded in 1983 ) to read out the times from the book. The calling of the times can be an onerous task, as there is often debate as to the accuracy of the times recorded, and Brian Hewson is always very vocal about people who go off early, or "prematurely" as only he would know. This is a no-no for Brian, the Trotters first great grandfather, who has a very low tolerance threshold when it comes to "burglars". This is interesting, because Brian has been "going off early" since a teenager. HecklingThere is no doubt about the identity of the worst heckler .... Brian Hewson holds the record for making the most interjections during the reading of the times. He also holds the record in the second and third places in the same event. A top interjector is Brian. Fourth place was held by The Bruiser ... aka "Brewster" Magnusson, who believed that the times reader must call the times objectively, accurately and without comment, but it's alright for others to shout abuse - which he did himself at every possible opportunity. CommercialsThe Trotters have been very reluctant when it comes to using their weekly run for pseudo commercial or other purposes. Announcements normally receive a carcophony of silence, apathy and derision ... whether it is Bruce Magnusson telling the throng about yet another excruciating evening with his Barber Shop singers or somebody telling us about a rivetting street fair organised by the local Rotary Club. Not on ! Which brings me to a most troublesome and distressing matter ... this really is quite disgraceful. It is so serious that it may require the return of "The Goat" for the first time this Century. The Return of The Goat"Seldom Seen", the infamous goat, scourge of the TTs may have to be brought out of retirement soon.Recently, it has been noticed that Brian Matthews has been ignoring the TTs' "non commercial policy" in quite a cavalier fashion, going on like a pork chop about Barbers' Shop singers - we exiled Bruce Magnusson to the Central Coast for this offence. After a stewards inquiry and a meeting of the Committee on Ethical Running, we may have to bring back "the goat" and Dave Evans' old jar of Vaseline. We will look for guidance, turn and face the Lectern and pray for him. Recidivist RhetoricianIt is sad to report a disappointing lowering of standards, with the "Pymble Push" and I have to say, some trottettes (a small "T" in this case) giving a bit of "how's yer father" to a well meaning young lad, Les Bryce. Some say it has to do with his parentage or the fact that he comes from the "dark side" - Kissing Point Road, on the Bangladesh side of the Highway. Others lament the sale of his beloved Telstra into the hands of the infidel capitalist people of Australia, who already owned it anywway. Others, recognise the rich pageantry and the awesome homework that he puts in, and we of the sans culottes from the Tahiti side of the Highway are deeply grieved by the pretty poor attitude to Les' formidable erudition, oral and warm, call-centre nature. In any case, our Les has shown himself as a strong performer in attracting new Trottettes, so the plungent thinkers always look forward to the next announcement, particularly Brian Hewson who always latches onto Les' crumpet first. We just wish that Les would run on the right side of the road, and perhaps sell that orange t-shirt, that only lowers the value of the local real estate. Go Les ! OrganisationThe Turramurra Trotters is the epitome of the "virtual organisation" ... it has little or no real fabric, in fact whenever there is any push to create any formality, it is greeted by a groundswell of apathy. I say "virtual" because there is no structure here, no President, no hierarchy or elected officers ... and really no members .... you just turn up, pay your 20 cents for a drink at the end and that's it really. It has been going since 1974 when computer rooms looked like laundromats, and disk drives like washin' machines. Each individual is responsible for their own safety, possessions and caution is advisable as we are running and walking on public roads. Trotters Strip |
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